You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

That is probably my favorite quote from one of my favorite movies, The Princess Bride. It came to mind as I read recent news about AT&T’s policy changes regarding its “unlimited” data plan. I put “unlimited” in quotation marks here since it sounds like AT&T no longer knows what this word means and has decided to make up its own definition for it.

 
Here’s the situation in a nutshell:

• AT&T used to offer an unlimited data plan for $30/month (this plan was available, most notably, for those who purchased the original iPhone in 2007).
• AT&T stopped offering unlimited data plans for any phone in June 2010 though those who already had this plan could keep it. However, if anyone left the plan, there was no going back.
• AT&T starts throttling (intentionally slowing the connection speed) of those on unlimited data plans who are in the top 5% of data users in some areas. These areas are not defined for users and the top 5% metric varies from area to area, with no way for users to find out in advance what could get them into the top 5% and subject to throttling.
• AT&T announces that they’ve done away with the “top 5% of users” criteria and are now beginning throttling for all users on unlimited data plans who go above 3GB of data transfer in a billing period.

You know, I get that AT&T’s network may no longer be able to handle its customers data needs and it needs to take steps to manage this before even more customers are negatively affected. But I think they’re going about this in the wrong way entirely.

AT&T: Just do away with the unlimited data plan if you’re not going to honor it anymore. It makes no sense to even keep calling it unlimited it if it no longer is. Migrate current unlimited data plan users to the 3GB plan (and allowing them to leave if they choose to instead) and deep-six the unlimited plan altogether. This would be a more appropriate and honest way to handle this situation instead of trying to redefine what “unlimited” means and dealing with the negative PR as a result.

Upselling is a sales technique whereby a seller induces the customer to purchase more expensive items, upgrades, or other add-ons in an attempt to make a more profitable sale.

Wikipedia

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have already seen that I’m visiting my mother in Los Angeles and went with her to an AT&T store to upgrade her ancient Samsung flip phone to a shiny new iPhone 4S. The experience was a little exciting for my mom but it was marred by the upselling we were subjected to during the process.

(Though AT&T is not my favorite, my mom is relatively happy with them and had no desire to change carriers while upgrading to an iPhone.)

When we arrived, we were greeted by a chipper girl with an iPad in an open, messenger-style case that was slung over her shoulder. She used it to take down my mom’s name to check her in, telling us that someone would help us in a few minutes.

Rosa*, a woman who appeared to be in her early 20’s with long brown hair and enough make-up to be a Kardashian, came to assist us a few minutes later. We told her what we wanted to do and she took us through the process of upgrading my mom’s line, transferring her contacts from her old phone and explaining everything fairly painlessly. Though she was proficient at these tasks, there were times that I wanted to throttle her with my bare hands.^

As we were going through the upgrade process, my mom mentioned something about a friend having an iPad as she noticed the iPad display against a nearby wall. Rosa paused and took that as an opportunity to show my mom a brand new iPad in a sealed box and tell her about its features.

My mom went along until she heard the price tag (she was already balking about the $20 data plan she needed to add for the iPhone) and declined.

Next, when my mom was handed her shiny new iPhone, she noticed that the screen picked up fingerprints very easily and said so aloud. This launched Rosa into an introduction to some anti-glare screen protectors they sold as well as the new warranty program AT&T now offers that covers accidental damage. I think this is the point when I started to feel the urge to cause someone, namely a young woman with what appeared to be an entire bottle of mascara applied to her eyelashes, some pain.

Not having learned her lesson from my mom’s reaction to the price of the iPad, she explained the warranty in depth. When she got to the price ($9.99 per month), my mom hesitated and looked at me. I half-expected her to voice her frustration at being offered so many extra things to buy at that point, but Rosa’s spiel was better than I thought (that devious wench!) and she asked me if she should buy it. I told her no.

Rosa was not to be deterred, though. When were were almost done and ready to hand over a credit card to finalize everything, she whipped out another goodie. The Jawbone Jambox, a portable Bluetooth speaker. And this is the point when, I’m ashamed to say, my own ears perked up.

A Jawbone Jambox? Hmmm. I’d been eyeing one of those for myself since I’d seen some very good reviews about it when it was released. I like to listen to music when I wash the dishes and clean and normally use a pair of headphones with my iPhone to accomplish this. However, headphones blocking my ears usually leads to my husband scaring the bejesus out of me (complete with high-pitched girl screams) when I don’t hear him enter the room. He always finds this funny. I never do. A Jambox would be helpful to avoid those situations.

Rosa gave us a little demo of the speaker using a smartphone connected via Bluetooth. And it sounded pretty good, matching the impressions I’d seen in the reviews I’d read.

Rosa then said the magic words: “If you’d like to buy this today, we could offer you a deal.”

I looked at her, my eyes narrowed and my entire expression intended to convey suspicion and doubt in an attempt to dare her to give me a deal I couldn’t refuse.